As I suit here on a Wednesday night, by what seems like nothing to carry into practice (except munch on Apple Jacks though watching Gilmore Girls), I shall decide to blog.
PREFACE; This blog set is going to be some remarkably real, honest, nitty-gritty, transparent thoughts and feelings of mine. No holding back. Ready (or not), attitude, GO.
The shortest story of my sacred life there ever was. I was saved at the time I was 7 years old. Am I by-word that I have lived this finish- moral life ever since I was 7 years worn out? Absolutely not. Am I saying that I knew EXACTLY the kind of I was doing when I resolute to accept Jesus into my heart at the age of 7? Not exactly. This expedition of following and pursuing Christ entirely these years has been full of ups, downs, lefts, rights, tears, and smiles. I desire to be honest, I don’t believe I really knew what it meant to follow Christ wholeheartedly until I was in corporation. I mean, in High School I was all about church and living the “body of christians girl” life, BUT I don’t plan I understood the true meaning of following Christ. For the longest time, I figured on the supposition that I did good then that itself was valuable enough. Wrong.
Fast forward to the arising of my college years. Still some ups and downs, BUT it felt taker of odds. I put more into it. I verily read my bible, spent serious time in adoration, and pursued Christ. From 7 years to 18 years skilled, a lot had changed. Fast hasten to about 1½-2 years ago… Spiritually, things were tolerably great. I was being poured into, was sharing my reliance (more than I ever had), I had regular communication in prayer, spent time in the Word, and had a compact group of encouraging friends. Now, I am not maxim that my spiritual life was finished. BUT, things were good. Fast foster to 6 months ago. I was at the prime of starting Nursing School, and dexterous (so I thought) for the take a trip, ahead.
This past semester was, HARD. Hard- physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I began to continued some test anxiety (thanks, Pharmacology), felt that my identity was defined by my performance in school, lost come in contact with with my desire for biblical common, had to force myself to abide down and have some sort of a mild time, doubted SO much, AND was completely swallow punched (1 billion times) when I realized my supplication life consisted of a grocery prefer of my (MY) needs. What a joke. Lets just say, I was not completely ready, spiritually, for what was in front. I cried more tears this more than semester than I have in my sheer life. I’m some crazy- emotional human, at this moment. WhAt EvEn??
SO. After the semester ended, I had to confront some serious realities of how I was choosing to live my life. I knew something NEEDED to change, and it would be the subject of to start with ME. I had been planning since months to attend our annual mission trip, CityReach, with my church. I’m going to have existence honest, I felt very unprepared to coterie out on this mission. I didn’t dissipate time in the Word and in imploration in preparation for what was to have ~ing revealed to me. I knew my firmness was not in the right portion, but I knew I HAD to go. AND.. I am glad I did. God is funny… He works in such marvelous ways.
See, I do this matter where I put up walls such God can’t get in. Like that in truth. works. Like God can’t jack-pudding through my tiny walls in a millisecond, whether or not He chose to do so. I conclude what was really happening was I was refusing to agree to God. Refusing to let Him largely in on my life the accomplished couple of months. I tried relying ~ward myself for sustenance… I wanted filled control. *sar* IT CLEARLY WORKED OUT SO WELL. *casm*
Back to CityReach. You beware, I LOVE CR. This was my fifth year to ~ your way (I had to miss the final two years, and I hated each minute of it). There honestly is a thing SO powerful about it. Maybe its the venerate . Maybe its the like-minded persons you’re surrounded by. Maybe its actuality the hands and feet of Christ. Maybe its the sensibility of closeness to God. I DONT KNOW, BUT I DO KNOW that I charity it.
This past week at CR, through Gods grace, mercy, and power, those walls were knocked into disrepute. I was quickly reminded of Gods kindness through the time of worship. There is such raw and transparent beauty in suggest worship that knocks you to your knees. “His mercies are recent EVERYDAY”- I was reminded by a beauteous friend through something so simple for the re~on that an insta comment. Hearing the talent of Christ behind all the stories shared of to what degree God was using His children in the incorporated town of Austin will definitely bring you to tears or cuff down those walls or BOTH. After hearing, “If God has called you to it, IT HAS ETERNAL SIGNIFICANCE” is navy-FULL. I could go on and steady about how the Lord chose to discover Himself to me this past week, AND in what manner I actually listened. Yes, I was convicted to the affecting of uncomfortability (btdubs, I am excellent sure I just made that word up), BUT sometimes that is what it takes. Sometimes that conviction is which drives you to be intentional in your faith, AND in your walk with Christ.
Now, examine judicially me out. I am not declaration that things change overnight. BUT, formerly it takes a revival to finish back to the start. To generate back to the Wonder you one time believed and pursued. It is a quotidian choice, a daily pursuit, and a daily battle. BUT, it is so price it when you have God in successi~ your side. He is a GOOD GOOD FATHER that testament walk through the good, bad, and loathsome of your life. He wants you in the manner that you are, not the best translation of yourself. AND that is what I was reminded of. AND that is the pledge I will continue to hold onto.
“You compose preciousness from dust.” -Second Chance ~ means of Rend Collective
Thank you, beautyfull folks , for reading about my journey.
Learn to LOVE the projection, Hay.
I have also tried acupuncture and other supplements that I have researched.