It has been in fact forever since I have updated this small scale blog. It has been a lingering semester. A tough road with multitude bumps, and I am still in impact that it’s over. It has been the longest and ~ly overwhelming few months of my life, no more than it has also been some of the superlatively good months.
Have you ever had that feeling? A feeling where you’ve worked so hard at something, spent hours immediately after hours working toward something, and afterward when it was finished, it didn’t just feel finished. I had been looking expedite; speed to being done for so tedious and now that I am, it doesn’t plane feel real.
It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that I don’t hold any tests or exams on the horizon. No papers suitable or online assignments to be submitted. After a drawn out semester, this is such a external concept.
But, as I reflect back on these past few months I am overwhelmed through so many thoughts and feelings. The amount of knowledge I have gained is impossible to believe and the amount of skills I obtain acquired astounds me. But something that truly hits me the most is the attempt I have put fourth and the spiritedness I have exerted. After Alex passed let us go. I really dedicated myself to acquisition the most out of everything I did, and I really settled a lot of that in my studies. I orderly in my studies and vowed to my sister that I would in no degree settle.
Alex loved school. She loved information and filling her brain. She be studious in books books like nobody’s business and she could lunge exams with flying colors from minimal studying. That brain of hers was flooding with knowledge ranging from human anatomy to dexterity history. I often think how ill-fated it is that she never got to polish college. She never got to polishing her degree or hold that diploma. Alex not ever got to go on to expressed command school and become a counsellor and her dreams were never fulfilled. Because of that, I consider forced myself to work that a great quantity harder at reaching my goals and chasing my dreams not against myself, but for my sister.
Because of Alex’s good-will for learning, I find school that a great quantity more of a privilege. That a great deal of more of an opportunity, a take exceptions to, and a joy. Everyday isn’t facile and everyday isn’t full of well-being, but remembering that I am fortunate enough to walk those halls and hold a session in a chair to take some exam puts it all in prospect.
Exams, quizzes, papers, and assignments whole add up to some stressful days. And those stressful days be active up exhausting weeks and an overwhelming semester. But I have power to choose to think of it that course, or I can choose to ponder of it as a privilege. I have power to choose to think of this overwhelming make palatable of life as a stressful conclusion, or I can think of it for example an opportunity I have been given that in such a manner many people have not. People like my sister, those who cannot confer higher education, or individuals that are affected with nausea, hurting, or unprepared. When I meditate of all of those people, I am reminded of that which a joy it is that I be possible to sit to take an exam and which an exciting challenge it is that I have power to learn from professors with incredible scholarship.
For the past two and a half years, I have been trying in the same state hard to live for Alex and to live despite everything she couldn’t do. I’ve been fatiguing to grasp opportunities and soak in the things she missed aloud on and never got to actual presentation for herself. Sometimes that means meditation of Alex as I take a pharmacology exam, or at the time that I’m drinking coffee in the prime of day, or driving back to my hall at 1:00 am after a sometime night of studying. These little, secular events are the things she doesn’t have to do any more. These small quantity things I complain about and hold are meaningless, are things people like my sister self-reliance never get to do again.
This extremity of the semester has brought of the like kind sweet joy knowing that hard toil has paid off and I am closer to fulfilling my dreams. But the extremity of the semester is even sweeter at the time I put this whole life of destroy into perspective. When times get tough, and significance seems to engulf my life, it aways helps to wheel round it back to Alex and to the human being that holds us all together. WIthout the toughness of God and the reminder that Alex is through me each and every day, I wouldn’t exist able to journey this semester and walk through life. So, in the words of my dear Alex, Veni Vidi Vici, Fall 2015- it’s been a furious ride!
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