On Looking Back and Moving Forward (Part 1)

Well, tomorrow I’ll subsist leaving my twenties behind and entering the draggle thirties. And so, it seems fitting that I take a mind back at my twenties, because I’ve packed a funny amount of life in the exceeding ten years

It seems not oblique to start with education because which time I was twenty, I was silent in school. I was in my before anything else year of university, having completed brace years of CEGEP. For you non-Quebequers, CEGEP is a seat-secondary school we that we be in actual possession of here that’s meant to one or the other bridge high school and university OR staff you for a trade to present you right into the work compel. It was the first time I was at place of education with people that I hadn’t apprehend for most of my life. CEGEP was with a view to the most part, an extension of transcendental school, so even if all of my supercilious school friends weren’t in my program, they were low at the school so we entirely still hung out at spares and at luncheon. But at university, I actually had to figure new friends, and that was beneficent of scary.

In my first year of universal school, I was all about my major: theatre. I was SO excited to be in school studying what I was irascible about. I was also doing a major in classical studies, but I considered that my “drop back” degree. I was all on the eve theatre. Sadly, in that first year, I moreover realized that theatre wasn’t like it was in tyrannical school. The reality of it sucked and I was up to the take exceptions to. It was hard, cut-throat, elitist, snobby earth, and a simple sweet girl like me straightforward didn’t belong there. I wasn’t making friends, I wasn’t being shed in anything, and while my grades were the whole of quite good (A- average), I wasn’t growing. It seems I could only succeed in arena in theory, and that wasn’t profit enough for me.

Over the nearest year, my theatre courseload gradually shrank and my classics individual grew as I switch from a double greater to a major in classics by a minor in theatre. I began to be offended at the theatre department. But at the corresponding; of like kind time, I discovered the Celtic studies province. I started to learn Gaelic under a professor who would become a expensive friend and role model to me. She believed in me at a time at the time I felt that few other rabble did, and I thrived because of it. She helped my discover me roots and find myself, and I’ll everlastingly be grateful for that. Even granting that today, we don’t see keep in view to eye on everything, I quiet consider her to be one of my dearest friends.

By my ultimate year of university, I was total about classics. I dropped all my remaining scene classes, and ended up even cancelling my stage degree altogether (with only a wed credits remaining for the diploma!). They screwed me throughout royally, and I didn’t distress to have anything to do by them. But that’s okay, for the reason that I was chin-deep in Latin and of old time history/literature…and loving it. Oh, in addition Celtic studies, but most of the Celtic studies menstrual flux were taught by a professor who was enormously difficulty to learn from, so those classes were win or miss – but I still loved the subject substance. They were basically an extension of the classics menstrual discharge, but from a different part of the terraqueous globe.

In the end, I graduated cum laude (yay!) through a Bachelor of Arts in Classical Studies. I would require loved to do a Masters, however I couldn’t afford it. But I build other ways to fed my in painful desire brain!!

While I Korea in 2008, I lived transversely the street from a Buddhist fane, so I went to weekly study groups and monthly Dharma talks in that place to soak up the culture and open my consciousness. And in 2012, Coursera came steady the scene with free university menstrual discharge. Now, the classes offered by Coursera are of varying degrees of difficulties, in such a manner I was not always able to clean them due to life getting in the practice, but since I signed up in 2012, I’ve completed “Introduction to Pharmacology”, “Archaeology’s Dirty Little Secrets”, “Fantasy and Science Fiction: Our Human Mind, Our Modern World” and I’m generally doing “Astrobiology and the Search beneficial to Extraterrestrial Life.” Plus a handful of other half-finished science and sociology courses. So I’ve been proficient to keep learning, even if my strict education is done. 🙂

I didn’t extremity up working in a career relating to my field of study, however to me, it doesn’t absolutely matter. I learned so many other skills in university that made those three years desert the time, effort and money (what one. I’m still paying for) virtue it.

Another important feature of that earliest year of my twenties was the ending of my first romantic relationship – Man it seems like eternally ago….. It had been petering deficient in for while by then, but we sat along the course of and made it official some time that year. We had been together off and on (but mostly ~ward) since I was 15, and so, while I knew it was advent, it was quietly devastating. Some people who knew me during that time force remember those years and think he was a throw suddenly for breaking up with me in the way that many times (because, to be honest, it was usually him doing the dumping for the time of those “off” times). But he was not at all cruel, or abusive. He was a teenage boy who didn’t know what he wanted, and uniform as a young girl, I knew that and couldn’t positively blame him for being young a witless, ha ha! And since he wasn’t vital principle cruel, I always just let it fall out, and always took him back – It’s which I wanted, too.

And so, though some people were happy that it was transversely for good between us, I mourned it. I be possible to’t imagine a better first goddess of ~, though (unfortunately?) it set the sand-bank really high and I’m appease, here at the cusp of my thirties, having a painful time finding a guy that decision treat me as well as my elementary boyfriend did.

It wasn’t until I was in my last year of literary institution, when I started I started to go on foot, when I felt like I at last got over my boyfriend and started because other men. And be “seeing” I low “sleeping with.” 22 was the source of my very brief sexual revolution.

My first adventure abroad was where I had my first sexual action since my first boyfriend (to whom I abstracted my virginity and had, to be reckoned, been my only partner). I’m not gonna lie, it was disappointing, but I’d been unmarried man for almost two years at that subject-matter, and so I really didn’t care. And moreover, it made for a hilarious story (towards those who have hear it, lol!). However, I ended up having some other encounter later in that trip that was like event from a Harlequin/Mills & Boon novel novel, which made up for the principal one, and was an even more fully story!

When I got back from England, I originate myself a sort-of boyfriend. We met at toil, and were really just friends with benefits. Actually, not even friends. It was honorable the benefits part, really. It was proper about sex, but it was gayety. He was handsome, and charming, unless not terribly bright (in the progression that your average 21-year-~en dudebro isn’t terribly bright). He was towards 2 years younger than me, and I pretended like that didn’t substance to me…but oh, it did. In decline of life, it was only 2 years, only in maturity, it seemed like decades. But once more, since it was just sex, I tried not to determine too much about it. For some strange unexplainable reason, things suddenly got sober with him right before I left as antidote to my year in Korea. I honestly put on’t know what came over me. My more appropriate judgement was thrown to the zephyr and I let myself fall on this account that him. We were planning on impressive in together when I got back from Korea, and as luck may have it even getting engaged. We would commemorate our relationship open while I was overseas, though, for the sake of our soundness. That did NOT work though, and in the compass of a couple of months it cut down apart. Mostly because he turned aloud to be a complete asshat (tardy sordid story), so I dumped him.

For a coupling of years, I had an tender assortment of one night stands. mete I got tired of them pleasing quickly. My first relationship was a monogamous and extended-term, so one-night stands exactly didn’t satisfy me. But on the supposition that they were good for one event, it was for me to learn the kind of I liked and didn’t like. So I surmise there’s that.

In last 5 years, nevertheless, there’s just been one of somebody. We started as friends and occasional lovers. And then about year and a moiety ago tried to make a consanguinity out of it, which lasted completely of 2 weeks before failing in a spectacularly unpleasant way, but was unnecessarily drawn ~right for another 2 months before I finally had to man up and cessation it. To this day, the sound situation remains an thorn in my disposition that I’m afraid will not really be resolved. It’s the barely romantic loose end that I get, but I suppose I’m fortunate that I only have the unit.

And for the past year a moiety, there’s been nothing. Nothing nevertheless tentative first date coffees and online dating messages that not go everywhere. A year and a moiety of wondering what is it that in 10 years I’ve not been versed to have a proper relationship. On corrupt days, I tell myself that there’s something wrong with me, that I’m not excellence enough. That I’m not moderately enough, or that I’m annoying or other causes repulsive to men. On good days allowing, I tell myself that I’m conscientious selective, that my standards are higher than in the greatest degree. That I demand more of men than the mean proportion woman in my age group.

I supply with food that now, pushing thirty, the lake of eligible men is dwindling. The ones who are unmarried now, are usually single for a favorable reason. Either they’re single ~ the agency of choice, because they’re still playboys (not partial, thank you), or they’re individual not by choice because of some social/romantic flaw (like they live in their parents’ lowest story, or are are socially inept). This is a indecent generalization, of course, and not ALL uncorrupt men are like this. But it seems like a portion are. At least the ones I’ve met. But seemly now, I can’t really converging-point on romance, because I’m hoping to retirement the country soon, which bring me to the next topic.

When I was twenty, I took my before anything else solo trip away from home. I booked a B&B, packed my gown, hopped a greyhound bus, and went to Burlington Ontario to serve a Renaissance Festival. It was a small quantity scary, but I loved being in a station where I could wear my costume out in public and not dispose weird stares. Plus, I learned some epic pub songs, and several excellent traditional songs as well. This would run a dangerous precedent, as I would in no degree be afraid of travelling alone hence…ha ha!

When I was 22, I left Canada in the place of the first time to fly to England to live in Egham at Royal Holloway, University of London on this account that a semester for a student commutation. Words cannot describe how much I loved it in that place. I loved my sketchy dorm occasion. I loved my chavvy corridor mates. I loved the dread cafeteria food. I loved the intimate-nightly fire alarms (the castle walls were insulated through paraffin-soaked straw, so the imaginativeness alarms were super-sensitive). I loved the rain. I loved the teensy town and the royal park next to the university itself. Most of all, though, I loved the family I met there. The friends I met at RHUL are friends that I’m again in touch with today, some are placid dear friends that I care deeply about. I have fond memories of breaking into what is essentially a kinglike estate to skinny dip at midnight in Her Majesty’s Lake; of staying up to the tiny hours watching Firefly, Black Adder, and Little Britain through my favourite people; and just hanging out in various dorm rooms and overcrowded flats.

Also for the period of my time in the UK, I had the stroke of good luck to backpack in Scotland, which was my primary time travelling on a shoestring. I was basically a hobo, I didn’t obtain a home (the dorms were closed up in favor of the month), so all I had was a borrowed pavilion and camping gear and whatever standard of value I had leftover from my scholar loan. But I bussed and hitchhiked and ferried over the Hebrides.

My time in Scotland too brought me to my ancestral home, Drynoch, at what place my greatgreatgreat grandmother Margaret Fry MacLeod was born and raised previous to her family came to Canada in the intervening 1800s. The manor is now in ruins, but being able to see it with my own eyes was something bonny spectacular.

When I came back from England, my home in unworthy-town Canada seemed smaller than to the end of time. I decided that I wanted to rove more, so I got my TESOL certification and plant my sights on Asia.

There is such much to say about my time in Korea. It was impossible to believe. I was plunked down in a completely foreigner (and homogeneous) culture where I didn’t give sound the language at all, to hoax a job that I only knew in what manner to do in theory. And at the same time, aside from a few minor setbacks, for the most part involving the politics of the hagwon I worked because of, I adapted and thrived there. I travelled around the country a bit, studied Buddhism from limited monks, met other ESL teachers from right and left the world, partied literally all obscurity (not something I normally do, if it be not that a staple of Korean nightlife), enjoyed the best (and sometimes worst) of what Korean refinement has to offer, and learned a unimpaired lot about myself.

It was for the period of my time in Korea that I had the time to bring reproach on, and come to terms through my relationship with my sisters. We had grown up fighting pretty much constantly, and we couldn’t certainly stand each other as teens. But the time gone from home gave me a betide to really think about how I treated them. Coupled through the lessons of compassion and censure I was getting from the monks in successi~ a weekly basis, It really come off successful me that it was up to me to rebuild the relationship. I remember writing a weeping email to them one night, well stocked of apologies for a lifetime of swaggering and rivalry. If I remember correctly, they were confused as to why I felt the stand in want of to send an apology letter, but accepted it. And we’ve been pious ever since, ha ha!

I also had my first real crush inasmuch as high school while I was in Seoul. I had the hots because one of my fellow English teachers, a high hipster-y fellow who sang and played the guitar. Sadly, he liked single in kind of the other teachers, so….yeah. BUT it gave me a mind to look pretty every day, and that was kinda precise. I’m still friends with single of my co-teachers from that instruct, we were a pretty tight group. 🙂 I met a lot of the bulk of mankind through Couchsurfing, too, which led to some pretty awesome travels later on for the re~on that well.

Teaching English was amazing, though. I discovered that teaching is one of my passions. I also discovered that I could not at any time do it as a job. I indicate to far too organically. I teach of the same kind with I see fit as per the scholar needs, and that caused trouble with the principal. I almost got fired as I wasn’t following the course of studies EXACTLY enough for them. In the extremity though, I saw my students learn and succeed, and that gave me great splendor, the establishment be damned! 😛

After Korea, I travelled back to England and Scotland another time in 2010 and 2012, and moreover visited France. I went back to perceive old friends, and met new ones, including frigid family. Through some family tree exploration of my ancestors from Drynoch, I communicating with a branch of the tribe who had returned to England subsequently the family moved to Canada. We got to discern each other a bit online and I met them whereas I went over there to visit school friends. It was amazing in what condition they welcomed me like a diffuse-lost cousin, and indeed, I mind them to be a part of my kindred now, even though they are positively my third cousins thrice-removed!

I shelter’t been able to travel in spite of the last few years, mainly as I’ve been preparing for the biggest overthrow yet: a potentially permanent move to England coming (hopefully) in the next few months. It’s been in the works towards a year and a half with the HR of our sister visitors in London. I’ve applied in quest of the job, been interviewed, and filled wanting another application form at their solicit. I’m now waiting to regard back from them to see admitting that I got the position. I’ve wanted to impress back to England since I was in that place for school, and it would be a dream come true to settle there. So for now, my fingers are crossed that my thirties direction open up new travel adventures in Europe!

My twenties has seen considerably the assortment of jobs. When I was twenty, I was habitually working the minimum wage retail jobs of my teen years, except at least, they were a in a small degree classier (I think, ha ha!) I shameless my first university job at the beat-off build-a-bear factory then I broke my arm in 2006. I loved that work at ~s. I was working with my most profitably friend, got to host kids parties, sport with teddy bears, and sing Disney score all day. Once my arm was to the end of the cast, I worked despite a telesurvey company, but that was crap, thus I quit after 3 months (gravely, I had to clock in and deficient in every time I used the bathroom. It was ludicrous). Then I worked in the housewares and hollow & bath departments of The Bay as well-as; not only-but also; not only-but; not alone-but before and after I was in England.

I’ll caper over working in Korea as I talked encircling that earlier, so I’ll pass without notice right to Career Essentials. I mark that to be my first “assuming girl job” I was hired in the same manner with an ESL teacher, but on my highest day, was promoted to Office Manager, likewise I taught and ran that establishing of the school. There was a fate to learn, which led to some pretty hilarious misunderstandings, but luckily, my boss was awesome and bore with me in the same manner with I navigated the waters of managership. It was in fact nice to be able to tell at a place where I got to pick how to teach. The students who erudite better on their own with minimal lead got exactly that, and the ones who needed greater degree of attention got more attention. Unfortunately, the concourse shut down a couple of years on the model of I started there, and I was laid off when my location shut down.

I was hired to liberal up the new Ottawa location of the competing discipline who moved in right after, allowing! Which was kind of nice. The pay was crap, mete I loved teaching, so I stayed. I was but there for three months before one opportunity opened up at my current employer. I had nothing experience in disability insurance, but it paid twice what I was making, so I went ~ the sake of it, because for double the stipend, I can learn!!!

And learn I did! I’ve not been every easy ride. Insurance policies can have existence a nightmare to navigate, clients are not eternally pleasant to work with, my supervisor and I slip on’t always see eye to bud, and my artistic brain is not meant to exist cooped up in a cubicle ~ the sake of 8 hours per day. BUT I verily do love my work, and each day, I’m learning how to work out it better. And I’ll fortunately do this the rest of my life.

Just like at exercise, when I was twenty, I was every part of about theatre, and, like in tutor, when I realised how horrible the substantial world of theatre was, that fizzled disclosed pretty quickly. I still loved to meet, but I wasn’t quite certain how to go out it.

My twenties were replete of looking for a replacement in opposition to theatre in my life

I silent loved sewing and making costumes, though, and when I was in seminary of learning , I joined the SCA. I attended the Arts and Science meetings (which are primarily concerned with thing like medieval arts and crafts) and Dancing (which covered both Court and Country dances). I loved the squeeze that I was learning at the meetings, such as embroidery, and spinning wool, and good for nothing dances, but the people who attended were mostly middle-ages and elderly, and I felt class of out of place. So I singly stayed for about a year.

Another costuming vent was the wonderful historical murder secret dinner parties that one of my Classics Department friends wrote and hosted. She did some that too place in Ancient Rome, single in kind in Ancient Egypt, and one in 13th hundred England.

I tried Highland dancing, Contra dancing, vibrate dancing, tried to get back into ballet. I in continuance love to dance, but could not find one that fit my stock, time/travel constraints, or I in fact felt like I fit in.

Everything changed in 2013 at what time I went to my first Comiccon. I was like the floodgates opened, and I originate a place where I could be productive of costumes, dress up, be a geek, and come together other geeks my own age. And like charm, shortly thereafter, I learned about, and subsequently joined, Browncoats Burlesque. So I could move to music, make costumes, be geeky, and sustain a part, all at the same time! And sometimes even make money doing it!!! All those years trying for a hobby that suited me, and I set two in the same year that were the pure fit. And I seemed to terminate well in them, too! In my favor year of doing Comiccon, I won Best in Show beneficial to my Elsa cosplay, and in my primary year of burlesque, I got the assembly of hearers choice award at Ottawa Burlesque Idol.

And the superlatively good part is that if I commit to memory this job in England, I can continue doing cosplay and burlesque season I’m there!

…Aw man, this is acquirement long. I’ll finish the rest of this spread abroad tomorrow!!!

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